finished product

its finally done. I' cross stitched this for the baby's room. Pretty excited about it, and about how cute it turned out.

more excitement: on sunday I will be 20 weeks along, officially halfway.
even more excitement: on tuesday I will have my anatomy scan, where they look at all of my baby's organs and make sure everything is growing nicely, and they also take a look see at the gender and I am so excited to find out!

Inside my mind

Its been a tough week for me, emotionally speaking.
First off... I have written this blog several times over the last 2 years and have deleted it every time because I don't want all the comments and attention over it, and also because I don't want everyone to get offended, but I've decided that I need to get it off my chest because that is the only way to heal.
I have no friends, only people who were once my best friends, and now we say we need to get together or hang out... but its never going to happen. Why? Because I have stopped making the effort. I almost never get those random texts or calls, but once upon a time I made a lot of them. When I stopped making effort is exactly when we stopped being friends. That really sucks. But the good news is that I still love each and every one of my friends that I had just the same as I always did.
so here's a letter to all of my used to be friends

Hi,
I really miss hanging out with you and I wish we really would get together more often. I miss being close and laughing all the time, and doing crazy fun things together. I wish we could go on more adventures. Once upon a time we were best friends, we told each other everything and we cried together, and laughed together. Sometimes I still need that; need to talk out all my fears and worries, need to talk about all the things that make me happy.
I'm about to start on this new adventure, motherhood, and I really want to share it with you, I love you and want you to be a part of this baby's life. I want to cry on your shoulder and tell you about all my fears about becoming a mommy and if I'll be any good at it. I want you to come shopping with me for all those little baby items. I want you to be a part of my life.
I want you to call me on the phone and talk for hours about your life and all of the things that make you happy and sad and worried and crazy.
I want to be like family.

If you want that too... maybe you should text me, and maybe someday we really will have lunch.
Love, Me

Birthday

I had such a good Birthday this year, even though it was simple. My mom bought me my very first large purchase for my birthday and because we found a great deal. we got this cute car seat


with a matching stroller. (Teddy bear was not included in this deal, it was mine already)

this is the inside of the stroller and car seat canvas. I love it! Its so colorful!

this is a cross stitch that I am working on for the baby's room and for my birthday I got to go get some flosses that I was missing.


AJ got me this wonderful movie to add to my Disney collection and we sad down and watched it in 3D first thing.



This is the cutest little doll that AJ got me! For those of you who don't know I am obsessed with Disney and Sleeping Beauty is my favorite. My AJ spoils me so bad.

We also went to Red Lobster for their endless shrimp special! It was WONDERFUL. Loved it. We're going again before the deal is over this month.

Frustrated

My emotions this past week have been a roller coaster. I know its because I'm pregnant, but it has been so hard for me to remain calm and happy. Things that normally could slide right off my back have hit me so much harder than normal. I'm mad at things I shouldn't be, and sad at things that are very minor. Its been very hard. Thank Heaven for Conference, and for my husband who really is my best friend and is so willing to listen to my feelings and for my mom who is ready to deal with my emotions whenever and however they come.

All of that being said it has also been a wonderful week for me. I have finally realized what that little flutter is in my tummy. Its a beautiful baby in there, making his or her vigor for life very apparent. Its been so wonderful, when I am especially down, to feel those little kicks and punches. Its as if baby is saying to me "mommy I love you!" and that is wonderfully fulfilling. Even AJ has been able to feel a kick or two! It doesn't happen a lot but its so reassuring when it does.
I'm 17 weeks along today! Only just over 3 weeks before we find out if we're welcoming a little boy or girl.
Also exciting news.... my BIRTHDAY is on Tuesday. I'll be 22 which is so weird to me. I'm excited though to celebrate.

Feeling extra thankful today

In my mail box today I got a copy of two very special magazines in my life. The first and the one I'm most excited about is the Ensign! All about the Book of Mormon. I love this and hope to use it in my personal scripture study. I feel that this edition of the magazine was an answer to many prayers of mine. I have been struggling with my study of the Book of Mormon, mostly because I feel so ignorant and "stupid" when reading it. I know fully well that we learn gospel doctrine "line upon line, and precept upon precept" but its hard to tell yourself not to get discouraged when it feels like the people around you know so much more than you do. Understanding, of course, that when men go on missions they have countless hours during that 2 years to study this amazing book and learn so many things from it; but I still tend to succumb to jealousy that I don't know as much about the gospel as he does, and I want to learn and get at least close so that when we discuss things pertaining to the gospel I don't feel as though I'm the student and he the teacher.

This is my other magazine and a passion/talent of mine which I adore. Crochet is a therapeutic experience for me and I am so grateful to have a subscription to a magazine that has patterns, technique advice and much more. It has been wonderful to try new things that come out of these magazines and to watch my talent get better and better. I really feel like this is a talent I can brag about and possibly share with others. To see what comes out of a long piece of yarn and the magic that I myself can create with one little hook. Its amazing.



This is a shout out to my mother. I am soon to become a mom, but I couldn't do it without mine. She is always so willing to listen to me complain about pregnancy and to surrender to my weird cravings without judgement. Also she has helped me buy some necessary maternity wear (silly me to think I could keep most of my normal wardrobe) that I haven't been able to afford to buy myself lately (saving for a baby and planning for baby purchases takes a lot more budgeting and saving than I thought it would). So special thanks to my mommy, hopefully I can be as good a mommy as she has been to me.



Finally I am just UBER grateful for the gospel in general lately. I've learned a lot since that wonderful/exhausting process we call repentance. It was a long road and even though sometimes its hard to look back and remember who I was, it reminds me of who I am now and makes me extra grateful for the knowledge that I HAVE gained in the last 3 years. I feel such wonderful peace and absolute joy with everything that my life now is, and I can't help but be giddy with excitement about the gospel for bringing that peace to my life.



I hope you guys know how amazing the gospel is and even if you don't believe in it.


Goodnight!

15 weeks

Your baby now measures around 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces. She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position; he or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way so as to "hide the goods.")

5 more weeks until that ultrasound for me though.

here

This was taken a week and a half ago at 13 weeks... you'll get another in a week or so... small bump.