Inside my mind

Its been a tough week for me, emotionally speaking.
First off... I have written this blog several times over the last 2 years and have deleted it every time because I don't want all the comments and attention over it, and also because I don't want everyone to get offended, but I've decided that I need to get it off my chest because that is the only way to heal.
I have no friends, only people who were once my best friends, and now we say we need to get together or hang out... but its never going to happen. Why? Because I have stopped making the effort. I almost never get those random texts or calls, but once upon a time I made a lot of them. When I stopped making effort is exactly when we stopped being friends. That really sucks. But the good news is that I still love each and every one of my friends that I had just the same as I always did.
so here's a letter to all of my used to be friends

Hi,
I really miss hanging out with you and I wish we really would get together more often. I miss being close and laughing all the time, and doing crazy fun things together. I wish we could go on more adventures. Once upon a time we were best friends, we told each other everything and we cried together, and laughed together. Sometimes I still need that; need to talk out all my fears and worries, need to talk about all the things that make me happy.
I'm about to start on this new adventure, motherhood, and I really want to share it with you, I love you and want you to be a part of this baby's life. I want to cry on your shoulder and tell you about all my fears about becoming a mommy and if I'll be any good at it. I want you to come shopping with me for all those little baby items. I want you to be a part of my life.
I want you to call me on the phone and talk for hours about your life and all of the things that make you happy and sad and worried and crazy.
I want to be like family.

If you want that too... maybe you should text me, and maybe someday we really will have lunch.
Love, Me